themonasnovels Chapter 1046: Chapter 1045: Reasons
Chapter 1046: Chapter 1045: Reasons
Chapter 1046: Chapter 1045: Reasons
"What do you mean I can never leave well enough alone? It's a valid question, Anput! You seem to be deflecting any sort of inquiry and attempting to redirect my attention from
Yasmin through-!"
"That's exactly what I mean damnit! I've already said to stop fucking prying into this, so why do you keep doing just that?! Why can't you just take that as it is?!"
Anput glared at me as she snarled that, the Jackalkin's face twisting as her anger got the better of her, and that vitriol she seemed to harbor towards me for this moment was enough to make me flinch; not out of fear of being harmed, or out of genuine worry that she was going to do something, but instead at the surprise I felt at actually being looked at that way by one of my lovers.
Maybe it was because I was so accustomed to only neutral or happy expressions being directed at me with the occasional theatrical expression of disgust or anger thrown in as a form of play, but seeing her this genuinely angry at me was enough to make me flinch away from her as I tried to process what was happening.
That flinch made her blink as she froze, the two of us staring at one another in silence as we tried to understand how we had reached this spot, where she was now growling and snarling at me like I had just done something heinous and outrageous.
It was that realization that made her sigh, her toned shoulders slumping as she leaned against the table even more and rested her head against my shoulder, unable to hold herself up on her own as she whispered "Sorry... I just... I really don't want to talk about it, but..."
Just as quickly as it had risen, her anger vanished and left her drained, the Jackalkin's pheromones fading too as she rested against my shoulder and took deep, even breaths, calming herself down and giving me a moment to contemplate what to do.
After one of the visits over to the Empire, just before I came over to become Jahi's, Yasmin gave me some news. She... was asking for my permission to be married to some man. A guard. Someone she worked with inside the palace, someone that had apparently been courting her for a couple of months, and doing a fine job at wooing her. Kat, what do you think my first reaction to that was? My first reaction to hearing my servant ask if she was allowed to become the mate of the man who had been courting her for a long time? A well established, good man, someone who was treating her right and had the funds to keep treating her right?"
Anput was still resting on my shoulder, making it impossible to read her expression, and the scent wafting off of her body wasn't 'legible' to me at all, making it even more impossible for me to understand what she was feeling; her flat tone as she spoke and motionless body were confusing to me, this usually vibrant and boisterous Jackalkin no longer brimming with energy and radiating charm.
It felt foreign, almost alien to me as I sat there, and for a few heartbeats I couldn't find an answer to her question, the long buildup to this question leaving me with too many thoughts to formulate something quickly, so out of instinct and a basic guess, I hesitantly replied "You... wished her well and gave her your blessing..? You were happy for her?"
As soon as I said that she chuckled; not happily, but rather dryly and morosely, like I had just given her bad news, and that confused me even more, but when she finally looked at me, I shivered again, unable to understand where the fiery passion that always seemed to fill her
every fibre had gone.
Those obsidian eyes were voids of nothingness, the deep black pits sapping all of the warmth from the air around us and actually making me feel somewhat cold as I stared into them, recognizing that almost familiar emptiness in many different ways.
"I wanted to rip that man's throat out and make her watch as he bled out in front of her, Kat." That singular line was delivered in such a matter of fact tone that I had no idea how to respond, which made her chuckle mirthlessly again as she added "I wanted to find that man and kill him in front of her, Kat, so that she would understand that she was MINE. It wasn't out of love or lust that I felt such... dark emotions. I... I honestly don't know what made me feel like that. Maybe it was because I felt like this man I had never met was taking something of mine, and that didn't sit right with me; I had never been told I couldn't have something, after all, let alone that one of my... 'things' was going to be taken away.
Maybe that was it, but either way... I wanted to kill that man in front of Yasmin and let her know she was MY Yasmin, not his. Do you know how scary that is, Kat? To feel something that strongly and not know why..? I mean... by the Gods, I was just a child; still growing, still learning, and yet I KNEW that I wanted to kill that man. Before I had even drew a mortal's blood before, I knew that I wanted to kill someone. For no real reason I could place, I wanted to slit his throat and let him bleed out in front of the woman he loved. How absolutely fucked
up is that?"
I had nothing to say to her, which drew another chuckle from my mate as she kept staring me in the eyes, the Jackalkin not looking away as she went ahead to add "Oh, and that's not even the worst part, Kat. That was just the beginning... I mean, after all, Sla'Caligo revealed that I do actually lust after her, right? Since we're going to go ahead and be honest about it, what with Leone's incestuous desires, Jahi's mashup of all of us, and of course... you're not free from suspicion either, what with your lust for Jillian of all people. But hey, why not let you know why I lust after someone I just said I never really thought of as a woman~?"