Downtown Druid

Book 3 Chapter 35: The Greatest Joke Ever Told

Jacopo sat across from Magister Desha, the woman Dantes had given money to so that she could become a magister. She wore a black dress with silver thread in an intricate pattern around the neck and sleeves. Her hair, which had still had a bit of orange in it when Dantes had last spoken to her, was now completely blonde, freeing her of any connection she once had to Danglars. She sat up a bit straighter, there was more steal in her spine than she’d had in Dantes’s memories.

“The last hearing for accepting an exiled noble was thirty years ago, but the magister making the judgment in your case is the same one who handled that case, as well as the previous one thirty two years before that,” she said, reading from a piece of parchment.

Jacopo drummed his fingers on her desk impatiently, wishing two-legs had thought it more appropriate to chew on bones casually. The crunch of some bone and the taste of marrow would be good at that moment.

“There are records of some people from your nation coming to Rendhold and being accepted before, but they’re old. Nearly the age of the city itself.”

Jacopo nodded, Vampa had given them the nation's name and Dantes had forged the documents about it himself. Dantes had thought they were perfect, but to Jacopo it was all a bunch of useless scrawls. He could read, it was a skill he was able to pull from Dantes, but he hated it. Even talking was too slow. He simply wanted to take what he wanted and move on from there.

Desha noted his fingers drumming on her brand new desk and frowned. She’d expected some kind of money laundering or backroom deal for Dantes, helping an exiled noble get recognized was not what she’d planned on, especially one she was fairly certain was fake, but that wasn’t her business. He was nice to look at, but that didn’t make up for the gruffness of both him and his bodyguard.

“The main problem, I think, will be the fact that you’re a mutt.”

Jacopo stopped his drumming. “A mutt?”

She nodded. “You’re mixed, you’ve got,” she squinted at him, “ orc, elf, human...a bit of dwarf I’d guess too. Most nobles that come here were pure-blooded, or at worst half-blooded. Sure there are a few mutt nobles here now from interbreeding, but the magister we’re seeing today is old. He’ll be concerned about it. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s the only thing he asks about.”

“It will be fine,” said Vampa. “Is everything else in order?”

She sighed. “Yes.”

“Once he accepts me, you’ll push through my purchases immediately.”

“Of the useless plots of land that used to be sealed off by the guard and everyone forgot about? Yes, though I have far better investments I can steer you toward.”

“We’ll talk about those too. After I get what I want.”

“I have only one question, and that is regarding your ancestry. I was of the understanding that Telumandi is an Elvish kingdom, and yet I see before me a man of Orc and Human descent.” He adjusted his glasses a bit. “In my time we expect nobility to be of a certain... pedigree.”

Jacopo stood up, he could feel Dantes watching things through his eyes, his own frustration boiling over for Jacopo. “My Grandfather married a human princess of a young neighboring kingdom in order to ensure peace and tranquility between them.” he took several steps toward Lodalan, “My grandmother married an orcish merchant prince to secure economic prosperity for Telumandi,” he took one last step to stand looking the elven magister in the eye despite the fact that he was on a raised dais and drew a dagger. “My parents married each other to strengthen the bloodline and strengthen ties within the kingdom.” He began to roll up the silk sleeves over his left arm. “How about I cut my wrists, and you cut yours, and we’ll see whose blood runs a deeper blue.”

The old elf was shrunk back in his chair, his eyes wide and frightened. “I uh, don’t think that will be necessary, Jacopo de Fosse. I, uh, approve your application to be recognized as nobility of Rendhold. Let me be the first to welcome you to our beautiful city as an honored member of its highest class.”

Jacopo sheathed his jewel encrusted dagger, and rolled up his sleeve. He started to walk back toward the exit to the room. He pointed at Desha.

“You, stay here and wrap up,”

He then gestured to Vampa. “Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

Vampa nodded and they walked out together, toward the massive apartment they’d purchased.

“That was very well delivered,” sent Dantes.

“You gave me the words.”

“True, but you sold them. Well done.”

“There was no one else you could have do this? No random man we could make up to be a lord?”

“I already told you, there’s not anyone else I could trust as much, or that I could speak to directly like this. Besides, don’t you think it’s funny?”

“Funny?”

“We just convinced Rendhold that a rat is royalty. This may be the greatest joke that’s ever been told.”